Confusion of Loyalties
by x.Dancing.Queen.x
Summary: When Jaypaw and Cinderheart begin to have feelings for eachother, they are both confused. Can they accept eachother, and if so, how can they keep it a secret? And what will happen when another cat is interested in Jaypaw? Please R&R. JayxCinder JayxWillow
1. Budding Love

**Kay this is either a CinderxJay or a JayxWillow, I'm not sure which I like best. I used to prefer CinderxJay, but then I read this really good JayxWillow, so now I don't know! This story might have a bit of both. Reviews are greatly appreciated! **

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Cinderheart padded quietly through the forest, carefully drinking in the scents of new growth that wreathed all around her. It was still early greenleaf, but the weather had been unusually nice. Firestar was unsure that it would last, but every apprentice and young warrior were relishing the strong sunlight and warm winds.

A salty tang drifted towards her, signalling that the lake was drawing near.

With a sudden burst of energy, she bounded forward, racing towards the edge of the trees with light paws. The undergrowth thinned considerably as the rocky shore grew nearer, urging her on towards the smooth water that she had befriended. Ever since Jaypaw had introduced her to swimming, Cinderheart had grown better and better, and still took time to venture away from camp to swim, though her leg was completely healed_. _

_At least it was until today_. She winced at the memory, feeling her pelt burn in shame as she relived the embarrassing failure.

She had been stalking a fat, juicy squirrel through the forest, until it scampered nimbly up a tall oak, perching on a high branch and staring teasingly down at her. Brackenfur, Hollyleaf and Lionblaze had entered the clearing and looked at it, then told her it was a good try.

She had insisted on climbing up after it, even when Brackenfur gave her a direct order not to.

Cinderheart was barely halfway up when she lost her footing, falling clumsily to the ground and managing to wrench her leg in the process. She frustratedly pushed the memory away; her leg seemed totally painless now.

Running smoothly out of the protection of the trees, she reduced her stride to a walk and padded to the shore, only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of another pelt in the water.

She squinted slightly against the bright sun, her tail swishing nervously as she examined the small shape. The tom's fur was nearly black from the water, making it hard to identify the cat as he waded smoothly towards her, barely making ripples in the mirrored surface of the lake.

He pulled himself onto the shore, shaking his pet lightly as he padded happily towards her. She opened her mouth gingerly, and recoiled in shock at the scent. The cat blinked his blue eyes at her as she stared in wonder. "Jaypaw?" she mewed, blinking hard to assure herself that she had just watched the blind medicine cat swim like a RiverClan cat.

He halted in front of her, looking uncharacteristically joyous. "Hey, Cinderheart. Come swim with me!"

That was when Cinderheart realized that she was dreaming; Jaypaw would never be that nice, especially not to her, who she was fairly sure he hated. He brushed his tail along her flank reassuringly, and to her surprise, looked her right in the eye. He could see!

"The water's great," he mewed excitedly. "Come on!"

And with that he bounded towards the water, Cinderheart following more slowly. Why was she dreaming of this?

Wading into the silky water, she joined Jaypaw and let her cares wash away in the salty depths as they frolicked like kits in the shallows before going even deeper and swimming for a while. After what seemed like hours they dragged themselves out, their eyes sparkling and their pelts sopping wet. Jaypaw flopped down on the sun-warmed pebbles, and Cinderheart followed suit after giving herself a good shake.

They lay there, breathing heavily. She watched the water run off of his pelt in rivulets, then looked at his eyes, no longer wondering if they could truly see her.

She'd never realized how beautiful a shade Jaypaw's eyes were, probably because she spent most of her time avoiding them out of embarrassment for the strange feelings that she had held for him lately. He gazed back at her with amusement, then opened his mouth to speak for the first time in minutes. "Cinderheart, I-"

Cinderheart jolted awake suddenly, wondering why her heart was beating frantically, threatening to burst out of her chest. Her dream hadn't been scary, just.... just what? She'd had a similar one the night before, but had dismissed it as a aftereffect of the stale thrush that she had gulped down before going to sleep that night. Was there a reason that the medicine cat apprentice walked in her dreams?

_Of course there is_, her mind told her_. You like him_.

She shook her head softly, denying what she knew to be true. Jaypaw was a medicine cat, and he hated her. As she thought of him, a pair of jay blue eyes appeared in the blanket of darkness.

"Cinderheart?" he whispered. For some reason shse thought that she heard relief in his quiet mew, but forgot about it as she struggled to find the words to answer. "I..um.. just had a bad dream." The eyes blinked once, relieving her of his disbelieving gaze for a moment. "Okay. Try and stay still, your leg is still healing."

She sighed, having remembered why she was even in the same den as him. Leafpool has insisted that she spend the night in the medicine cat's den, just in case.

Shifting in the moss, Cinderheart realized that it was no wonder she was dreaming of Jaypaw: she had been given his nest, and that coupled with him being right next to her would be enough for his scent to find it's way into her dreams. Satisfied with the explanation, she curled back up and closed her eyes, shivering as she thought of what Jaypaw would said had he witnessed her dream.

It wouldn't have surprised her if he had, actually, seeing as he seemed an expert at reading thoughts and feelings. It would not have been a huge shock if watching other cat's dreams was included in his strange array of talents. She drifted gradually into sleep; this time deep enough to be dreamless.

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Jaypaw lay awake long after Cinderheart returned to slumber, unable to simply close his eyes and fall asleep as she did.

He had woken to her shifting and murmuring, pleasure and amusement radiating off of her pelt like the sun's heat. She was dreaming of water, he could tell, just from a small and accidental glimpse at her dreams. She was swimming with another cat, one that Jaypaw didn't take the time to place.

Her dreams were her own, he decided. The other medicine cats, however, were a different case.

They had visited the Moonpool about half a moon ago, with minimal results. The medicine cats had received no important news, and after a small sample of their dreams, Jaypaw had surrendered to his own, which had been considerably less interesting.

This time it was Redtail, the old ThunderClan deputy, who warned him not to walk carelessly in other cat's dreams. Jaypaw bristled in the darkness at the thought of some dead cat ordering him around as if he was clan leader. What say did he have in what Jaypaw did and did not do?

Forcing his fur to lie flat, he got up and slunk out of the stuffy den and into the cool night air, stretching generously once outside.

Murmured voices came from the Highrock, and he pricked his ears to listen in on the conversation. Brambleclaw was discussing the WindClan border with Ashfur and Birchfall, he realized, recalling the sound of beating paws that had accompanied the dawn patrol as they thundered into camp, bringing news of a moved border.

Windclan had grown dangerously thin that leaf-fall, and moving the border was a desperate and hopeless move. There had been a brief skirmish, and the skinny cats had quickly fled into their own territory, leaving ThunderClan to reset the border.

Many cats, including Lionblaze, had been in favour of setting the border further into Windclan territory, and enlarging our hunting grounds. Jaypaw's brother had been particularly angry when Firestar insisted on keeping the old border. His behaviour scared his siblings, who were beginning to see him as overly ambitious like Tigerstar before him.

Jaypaw slipped back into the den, moving to the shelves at the far wall where the herbs were stored, and began to sort them sluggishly. Noting that they were low on catmint, he resolved to recruit a young warrior or apprentice to help him fetch some and carry it back to camp. It was unlikely that greencough would strike the clan now, but after a hard leaf bare, everyone was more vulnerable to sickness.

Besides, he'd never forgive himself if one of his siblings caught the deadly sickness and he did nothing to assure their safety.

Finishing up with the herbs, he picked up a bundle of stale and rotten plants in his mouth and made his way out of the den, relying on memory to guide his paws as a he could smell was herbs. Night was already slipping away, and a pale ray of sunlight shone down on his back as he crossed the hollow.

Slipping through the thorn tunnel, he nodded to Whitewing and continued into the forest, finding a good spot beneath a tree to bury the useless plants. He scratched the last bit of dirt over them and stood still.

He thought of going back to camp, but instead hurried on into the forest, eager to explore his territory.

Weaving through trees with practice, he had broken into a smooth run when an unnoticed rabbit hole caught his paw, twisting it painfully. He tumbled to the earth and sat miserably on the ground, wincing as pain shot up his leg.

Curiously, he sniffed at the hole, realizing that the scent was stale. No wonder he hadn't noticed it while running.

Even with his sharp nose, his uninhabited hole was hard to scent if you weren't looking for it. Scowling in frustration, he limped back in the direction of camp, muttering to himself.

Forcing himself to walk normally, he stalked back past Whitewing and through the tunnel, sitting down at the edge of camp. Breathing heavily, he tuned his senses to take in his surroundings. The sun was stronger now, and he realized that his run must have been longer than he thought.

The camp had woken up considerably since he had left, and apprentices milled around eagerly, waiting for a day of hunting or fighting. A familiar flash of jealousy hit him as this, but faded as he reminded himself of the prophecy. It was just a matter of time before he was more powerful than every cat in the clearing.

Padding slowly to the medicine cat's den, he listened to Mousefur's joints creaking as she sat up in her nest, and felt the ground tremble as Millie's kits romped around the nursery. Graystripe pulled himself reluctantly away from them, bounding towards the Highrock, his pawsteps uneven.

Jaypaw dragged himself into the den, dreading another boring day of collecting herbs and consoling fretful queens. Daisy was constantly worrying about her energetic litter, and he was ready to pronounce Rosekit bind and deaf just to give her a real scare.

A hesitant mew from Cinderhear jolted him out of his scheming. "Jaypaw?"

Jaypaw sighed wearily and turned to face her voice, ready for a volley of redundant and annoying questions. "Yes?" he meowed, trying to keep his voice even and unjudging.

"Um..well, I had this dream, and...." she trailed off nervously, sounding unsure of whether to continue.

Intrigued, Jaypaw found himself leaning forward slightly. Maybe some cat had finally got news from StarClan, though why they would visit Cinderheart on her dreams he had no idea_. _

_She _was_ a medicine cat in her past life, _he realized.

"Well, I..."

"What?" he pressed, feeling irritation bleed into his voice. Why couldn't she just spit it out?

He sensed fear and uncertainty tingling in her pelt, and wondered just what StarClan had told her that frightened such a usually energetic she-cat.

"Erm....never mind."

Jaypaw stared in her direction for a moment, then turned his back on the indecisive warrior, tail lashing in frustration. He forced it to stay still and poked his head out of the den, parting his jaws slightly to catch Leafpool's scent.

Rocks clattered down into camp as she was bounding up to Firestar's den, her pawsteps distinct enough for Jaypaw to be sure who it was. Pulling back into the den, he nudged Cinderheart impatiently out of her nest, poking her leg with his nose. It seemed fine, and he was sure that it would heal if she exercised it enough and didn't strain herself again.

He told her so, then added, "Make sure you keep swimming until it's completely healed."

She nodded vigorously, seeming as eager to get out of camp as he had been. The thought of swimming reminded him of her dream. He thought that he knew who the cat was, but was afraid to make assumptions.

Jaypaw didn't need to glimpse her thoughts to know that she was thinking of the Gathering.

He shook his head at her, actually feeling bad. He knew what it was to be stuck in camp all day, with everyone looking at him with pity.

"You won't be able to go to this Gathering." he meowed. "Sorry."

A swish a air passed him as her tail dropped, and he could nearly see the excitement go out of her deep blue eyes. Nearly.

"Firestar will let me go next moon, right?" she mewed hopefully, making him want to console her.

"If you take care of your leg and don't do anything stupid, then yes." She didn't answer, and he guessed that she was thinking of how to impress the clan leader.

They stood in silence, then he remembered that they were running low on catmint. "Hey, could you come help me fetch some catmint? It would do your leg some good."

He quickly checked the other supplies, noting that they were also low on goldenrod; Leafpool must have made Mousefur a poultice for her joints. Jaypaw quickly looked through his knowledge of goldenrod and remembered that there was a nice growth of it near the Sky Oak.

Turning to Cinderheart, he felt her gaze on him. "Okay, we need some goldenrod too."

There was silence for a moment, then she stuttered, "O-Okay. I, um.. forgot you couldn't see me nodding."

Jaypaw appreciated her bluntness, and decided not to mention that he had sensed the movement of her head without sight. "It's okay. Let's go." he mewed briskly, trotted out of the den with her in tow.

She was barely limping, he noticed, and nobody objected to the blind apprentice and the crippled warrior going out into the forest alone.

He slowed down as they emerged from the tunnel trying to decide which way to go. The Sky Oak was closer, but the old Twoleg nest might be too far to go after getting goldenrod from near the lake. Catmint was a more important herb, and they could use juniper for Mousefur's joints if needed.

On a whim, he turned in the direction of the lake, deciding that if Cinderheart wasn't up to another trip he would find someone else, or go by himself.

The young warrior seemed happy that they were heading towards the lake, yet anxiety pulsed of of her at the same time.

_Maybe it has something to do with that dream, _he thought, remembering the small glimpse of water that he'd had. Had something bad happened to the cat she was playing with?

Remembering where he was just in time to swerve around a tree, Jaypaw adjusted their direction slightly, heading for the ancient oak.

Cinderheart didn't seem to mind following a blind cat; she was padding along with joy radiating from her paws, absolutely ecstatic to be out in the forest again. A sudden warmth on Jaypaw's back told him that they had entered the clearing, and he walked around the edge, sniffing for the well-known scent of goldenrod.

He trotted briskly underneath the shade of the trees and out of it, traveling in between shadow and light. Finally he scented a patch of goldenrod ahead, just behind some brambles.

Scowling, he parted the thorny bushes and nipped off a few stalks, spitting them out beside him. Cinderheart silently copied him, managing not to damage the plant.

When they had both collected good sized piles, Jaypaw picked his up gingerly in his jaws, listening to the warrior do the same. This time they walked with Cinderheart slightly ahead, her tail on the medicine cat apprentice's shoulder to guide him since the herbs beneath his nose and in his mouth rendered scent useless.

They entered camp side by side, hurrying to the medicine den and dropping the herbs. While Jaypaw sorted them carefully, Cinderheart watched with interest, asking the occasional question.

"What's wrong with that one?" she asked curiously as he deposited a seemingly fine stalk in a separate pile.

"Too dry," he mewed shortly. He didn't really mind the questions, actually; they gave him more of a purpose.

He finished up and turned to her, searching for weariness beneath her pelt. Surprisingly, she was full of energy, ready to go out again.

"Where now?" she asked, her tail swishing across the dirt and betraying the impatience that she was trying to conceal.

"The old Twoleg nest," he said, suddenly finding conversation much more natural. "We're almost out of catmint, and that's the best place."

"Why do we need catmint?" she pressed on. "It's not the season." This made Jaypaw want to roll his sightless eyes at her, but suppressed the urge, reminding himself of her adventurous and occasionally kit-like personality.

All the same, the smart comment slipped out.

"Oh, we'd just like some to line our nests with, and a bit to feed the kits, and maybe some to fight off rogues! StarClan knows that catmint is useless for greencough!"

"Oh." her answer came quietly out of the air, and he suddenly felt bad for snapping at her.

"Sorry." he muttered, embarrassed by his nearly unprovoked outburst. Her tail lay still in the dirt now, the energy having been driven out of her.

She didn't answer, just stalked out of the den, heading to the camp entrance to wait for him.

Guilt weighed heavily down on his shoulders, burdening him while he slunk shamefully into the clearing, feeling as if the stone walls were towering over him. Shoulders hunched, he came almost silently through the tunnel, causing Cinderheart to jump up in surprise. He felt her gaze on him, trying to dig into his pelt and see what he was really feeling.

Hardening his emotions, he headed off in the opposite direction from before, gesturing with his tail for her to follow him. She obeyed, but stayed at least a tail lengths behind him, obviously still feeling the sting of his patronizing comment.

Jaypaw sighed, wishing that he hadn't gone and put out the tiny flame of friendship that had been growing steadily between them.

Why did he have to be so mean all the time?

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Hollyleaf watched as Cinderheart left the hollow, her bushy tail dragging on the earth.

Jaypaw slunk out of the medicine cat's den almost shamefully, and though Hollyleaf wasn't a mind reader like her brother, she could clearly see that he was guilty.

Shaking her head, she wondered if Jaypaw would ever be able to withhold his snappy comments long enough to make a real friend. She could only guess at what he could've done to put Cinderheart out; she was as bouncy as a kit.

Though secretly, Hollyleaf was glad that Jaypaw acted as mean to her friend as he did to every other cat.

Lately, she'd been catching Cinderheart gazing at her brother with a strange look on her face, and didn't particularly like the idea that the energetic warrior fancied her brother. She would only get hurt trying to pursue the snappy medicine cat apprentice, and besides, it was against the warrior code!

Hollyleaf clawed at the dirt with unsheathed claws, wondering how any cat could do something so forbidden, and directly obey their warrior ancestors. If she found a mate, it would be inside the clan, and _not_ a medicine cat. At the thought of taking a mate she shivered, once again feeling the pressure that was laid on all she-cats: to have kits.

She honestly wasn't sure that she wanted a mate, let alone kits of her own.

There were plenty of nice toms in her clan, and there would be more, but she didn't feel drawn to any of them.

Maybe she should have kept training as a medicine cat; they weren't expected to bear the clan new warriors, but deliver and care for them. The idea was unimaginable, though. Hollyleaf knew that she was destined to be a warrior, and decided that she would follow Leafpool's advice and focus on supporting the clan.

Perhaps she ought to go and talk to her again.

Brambleclaw's low mew interrupted her thoughts. "Hollyleaf! Why don't you join our patrol? We could use a good nose."

Her black head shot up, and she nodded eagerly, padding away from the warrior's den to join the rest of the patrol. A hunt would clear her mind of all her other duties.

Berrynose, Lionblaze and Brambleclaw stood waiting for her at the camp entrance. Hollyleaf nodded to herself in satisfaction: they would catch a good amount of prey, if Berrynose would stop bragging long enough to hunt. Purring at the thought, she followed them through the thorn tunnel and out into the forest, her worries brushed away by the soft sunlight and green ferns.

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**Please review, I'd love to know what everyone thinks. If I get enough positive comments, I'll write some more. May be some JayxWillow coming up!**


	2. Acid Rain

**Here's chapter 2, please review, and enjoy!**

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Willowpaw observed the sunrise quietly, enjoying the serenity of being the first cat awake. The pale sky was slowly becoming streaked with colour, and she guessed that her peace would be interrupted quite soon. There were several young apprentices that hadn't yet learned the values of getting as much sleep as they could.

The thought had barely crossed her mind when Pebblepaw pulled excitedly out of the apprentices den, followed closely by Nettlepaw, who looked drowsier. They padded to the centre of camp, looking around triumphantly.

They hadn't noticed Willowpaw standing in the entrance of the medicine cat's den, and she began to pull silently back inside, but Pebblepaw's head swung around in time to catch her. She suppressed a wince, and turned reluctantly to face the approaching toms, trying desperately to look pleasant though her emotions were really quite the opposite at the thought of the impending conversation.

"Hey, Willowpaw! How long have you been up?"

Willowpaw swallowed and answered evenly, "Not long. Why are you two up so early?"

The apprentices glanced at each other mischievously. "We bet Copperpaw and Minnowpaw that we'd be up before them. Now they have to Be our servants for a moon!"

Nettlepaw mewed proudly, and the medicine cat apprentice suddenly understood their overseeing of the camp and the smug expressions that had been puzzling her. Their tails were curled in amusement, and despite her reluctance to talk to them, she found herself purring softly at the losers of the bet, feeling glad and sad at the same time that she had never taken part in any of the games that the normal apprentices played.

She hadn't really experienced friendly rivalry since she was a kit.

Feeling the urge to be alone grow inside of her, she politely excused herself and wished them luck with getting Minnowpaw and Copperpaw to carry out their promises. Slipping into the den, she nearly crashed right into Mothwing in her haste to escape from the enthusiastic toms. Her mentor gave her a look of surprise and then shook her head, apparently deciding not to ask about her strange behaviour.

Willowpaw silently thanked StarClan, then mewed a quick hello to Mothwing.

"Good morning, Willowpaw." she replied distantly, seeming lost in another world as usual. Willowpaw glanced at their stock of herbs and realized that they were low on catmint again, though at least this time the need wasn't urgent. There had been several serious cases of greencough throughout leaf bare, and Heavystep had just barely pulled through.

Mothwing noticed as well, and immediately checked the rest of the herbs for unusable leaves and berries, then turned to her apprentice.

"Why don't you check the catmint again? If it's still frostbitten you'll have to go to ThunderClan."

Willowpaw nodded, looking forward to a sunny trip around the territories. She exited the den without another word, secretly thinking that there was no way that the blackened catmint had grown enough to be used. They had checked barely half a moon ago and there had been damage right down to the roots.

Sure, there would be some new growth, but not nearly enough to bother taking back to camp. Willowpaw decided to head straight to Leafpool for the precious herb. ThunderClan territory was beautifully lush and green; there was no doubt that they would have catmint to spare.

She strolled out of camp and prepared to leave the island, looking forward to the smooth water on her pelt. Just as she was wading into the shallows, a familiar voice meowed hopefully from behind her. "Willowpaw!" It was Pebblepaw.

Willowpaw dragged herself away from the calming depths, facing the pestering tom with no pretense of tolerance. "What, Pebblepaw?"

Her mew was weary, though it was still far from sun-high. The young apprentice had managed to pull the energy from her veins.

Pebblepaw looked hurt at her tone, and stared at his paws, embarrassed. "I just wanted to know if you wanted some help. You know, with getting herbs."

Willowpaw blinked, wondering how he knew about her cause. Mothwing must have told him to offer, but why? Her mentor knew that she purposefully avoided the tom. Willowpaw mentally shrugged the questions, resolving to thwart Mothwing's seemingly pointless scheme.

"That's nice of you, Pebblepaw, but I think I'll manage on my own."

His eyes glanced up to meet her for a moment, then flitted nervously away. "Okay."

His mew was flat, with a slight undertone of sadness. She nearly called him back as he padded back through the reeds, his stony gray pelt finally disappearing in the greenery. Guilt was gnawing at her belly unbearably, but she ignored it stubbornly and entered the water once more, crossing the shallow moat with ease.

She shook droplets from her pelt on the other side, padding with a sigh onto soft green grass that tickled her paws. After standing for a leisurely moment in the sun, she remembered her mission and turned in the direction of ThunderClan, forgetting to feel anxious about asking for help from another clan. Leafpool was Mothwing's friend, though Willowpaw wasn't sure where she and the prickly ThunderClan medicine cat apprentice stood.

Jaypaw seemed untouchable, a handsome tom with strange powers and an attitude problem. She could never decide how to act around him; should she be formal and polite, or just act like herself, or perhaps not communicate with him at all?

She herself hated formalities, and avoided using them as much as possible. She liked to be herself and forget the rules, though it wasn't always popular with other cats.

It suddenly seemed strange to her that she was worrying about how to act in front of Jaypaw; why should she care what he thought?

For some reason, she did.

Why? The apprentice didn't to notice her at all, let alone have concerns about his behaviour around her.

Turning worries away in favour of optimism, Willowpaw conviced herself that there was a small chance that she would even see him. Of course she would. To get herbs she would need to go to the medicine cat's den, and where else would the blind cat be? Certainly not hunting or wandering in the forest as she so often did.

However, her thoughts wandered to other things quite easily, and Jaypaw was gone from her mind right up until she hit the ThunderClan border. Realizing that her idle walk must have been faster than it seemed, she settled down in the tall grass and waited for a patrol.

She gazed curiously into the trees that stood towering before her, teasingly waving their branches at her and giving her small glimpses of the areas free of undergrowth and bush. They fascinated her thoroughly, and she wondered at ThunderClan's ability to live in the enclosing forest until a pair of cats slipped jarringly into view, making her jump to her paws in surprise.

She should've been watching more carefully, but the grey pelts were definitely coming towards her now; her sudden movement must have caught their eyes. She stood straighter and waved her tail at them, trying to look non-threatening.

Unfortuneatly the aura was ruined when she identified the cats. The tom's scent was unmistakable: Jaypaw must have ventured outside of camp after all.

The she-cat was harder to identify, but as they drew within a few tail lengths of the border, she recalled the forgotten name. Cinderheart, the bubbly new warrior. She appeared to be limping, though, and she seemed to be resting rather heavily on Jaypaw's small frame.

He showed no fatigue, and didn't appear to mind the careful tail resting on his shoulder to guide him around obstacles. They both carried a great bunch of herbs in their jaws, and Willowpaw saw quickly that it was none other than catmint; fragrant, healthy catmint.

Willowpaw was shocked to feel a flash of hot jealousy flush her skin. It did not fade as the pair halted at the border, but burned in her chest for a long while after. Why would she be envious of Cinderheart?

Jaypaw and the warrior were clearly no more than friends, if even, but the kindly gesture reminded Willowpaw of that first journey to the Moonpool, during which she left Jaypaw to scrabble on the steep and difficult trail of rocks.

Shame was now cooling the flames of envy, and she wished that she hadn't been so stubborn with the impaired apprentice. No doubt he hated her even more than every other cat.

Cinderheart stepped lightly away from Jaypaw, and they both looked Willowpaw right in the eye, daring her to say something. Jaypaw spoke first. "What do you want?"

His voice was cold, but she could detect a hint of emotion tearing through. Self-pity, maybe? Willowpaw barely thought before answering. "RiverClan needs to borrow some catmint," she mewed evenly, nodding towards the plants that he had deposited on the ground.

He looked distrustingly at her, then glanced at Cinderheart, who shrugged annoyingly. "Why should we give you anything?" challenged the tom, sounding suddenly even more snappy and angered.

Willowpaw was speechless or a moment, then spoke haltingly. "I- um... well, the warrior code says that we shoud help other clans when they're in need, and- and..."

Jaypaw stared scornfully at her with blind eyes, and she squirmed under his gaze, feeling more than ever like he could see her perfectly, stuttering foolishly. He was certainly debating, though Willowpaw was astonished that he even had to think about it. _Medicine cat's should always help eachother!_

Her tail swished impatiently through the grass. Moments weighed by sluggishly, and finally Willowpaw lost patience. "Well?" She demanded boldly, scowling at the smirk that spread over his muzzle at her question. Jaypaw shrugged, and she got the impression that he knew how it irked her and did it on purpose. "I suppose we could spare some." he meowed lazily.

Gently sweeping his pile of herbs over the border with his tail, he nodded to her and stepped back, apparently deciding to be courteous for once. Wilowpaw nodded gratefully and gathered the sweet smelling herbs to her.

"Thank you," she replied, then added, "It's good to know that you can be nice once in a while." her tone was cocky, and her ears heated up as she listened to a totally different Willowpaw bring a playful scowl to Jaypaw's face and a serious one to Cinderheart's. It was the warrior's turn to be jealous.

Willowpaw gingerly picked up the generous pile of herbs in her jaws, struggling not to let any of the precious flavour or juices seep out. Nodding coolly at the pair, she turned smartly and trotted back the way she had come, glad that the meeting had gone so well and a bit scared of what it could mean.

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Cinderheart watched the playful medicine cat apprentice speaking with Jaypaw, at first very polite and then becoming annoyingly smooth with the tom. Jaypaw barely seemed to notice the tension between the two she-cats that crackled in the air like the lightning that brought down great oaks. He was enveloped in his short conversation with Willowpaw, and paid no heed to the fact that Cinderheart's hackles were actually beginning to raise.

The warrior forced her fur to lie flat and thought of the sharp words previously spoken to her by Jaypaw. Why should she be jealous?

Jaypaw nothing but mean to her. Of course, she knew that wasn't true. Jaypaw had shown unexpected softness to her, and the hurtful comment had simply occurred because he let his guard slip. Cinderheart just had to give him some time to get used to being nice.

_Though, he seems to be doing fine with Willowpaw. _

Jaypaw had actually given the snotty apprentice his whole collection of precious herbs, and was now exchanging a friendly farewell with the sly little she-cat. Cinderheart couldn't restrain herself from bristling at the sight, and stalked swiftly away before she could hear any more, fed up with their sudden relationship.

She abandoned her pile for Jaypaw to pick up; after all, it was his job to bring the herbs back. Cinderheart was a warrior.

She heard him scampering up behind her, and didn't bother to slow down and guide him along the path. She felt rather betrayed, even though she knew that Jaypaw had probably never felt the connection that they'd had.

He stumbled once and she immediately felt horrible, dropping back to place her tail on his shoulder. She didn't look at him, just stared at the beautiful forest around them and listened to the calming voices of nature as they slowed her heart. Having a personality that made her unable to keep grudges against anyone, Cinderheart uickly warmed up to Jaypaw, and they were talking together by the time the thorn barrier drew near.

Cinderheart was now walking alongside Jaypaw so that their pelts were brushing enough to guide him and to make Cinderheart feel closer to him. She let her tail drop but didn't draw away from him as they entered the hollow, and he didn't protest all the way across the busy clearing to the medicine cat's den.

Cinderheart felt a spark of hope in her chest, spreading like adrenaline through her veins, making her giddy. Perhaps a relationship with Jaypaw wasn't such an unfathomable idea after all.

* * *

Jaypaw was, in fact, not oblivious to the hostility that tainted the air surrounding the competitive she-cats.

They were jealous of each other, but over what he couldn't tell. Their minds were whirlwinds of anger and triumph; he decided not to get into the complicated dealings of the two seemingly unconnected cats.

Saying good-bye to the soft-voiced apprentice, Jaypaw walked with Cinderheart back to camp, the warrior pressing against him for more than just support. Jaypaw was about to shrug her off when he reailzed that he sort of liked the feeling. Surprised to be enjoying another cat's company, he padded side by side with the warrior all the way to the den, drawing some interested glances from the rest of the Clan, including Hollyleaf, who stopped eating her thrush with a feather hanging comically out of her mouth as she stared at them.

Her glance was critical, and Jaypaw was suddenly furious at her for it. She was too attached to the warrior code.

Jaypaw may not have been able to have a mate, but he could have affections!

**Tell me if you thought it was too short, and please review and tell me your ideas! Who do you think Jaypaw should end up liking? Oh, and I'd like to say that Jaypaw really doesn't know about any of this and he's not a player or anything; he's just ignorant. **


	3. Useless Dreams

**Okay, I don't really have anything to tell you, so read on.**

* * *

Jaypaw pawed at herbs wearily, his mind wandering throughout the forest though his body was stuck in the medicine den, rotting away faster and faster every minute.

He could hear cats moving around the clearing, being sorted into patrols and slipping in and out of dens. Most of the Clan was out hunting or marking borders at the moment, but Jaypaw didn't feel relaxed by their absence as he usually would have.

He was on edge lately, but had no idea what was making him feel so... _incomplete_. No, that wasn't the word for it.

Whatever it was, Jaypaw was getting annoyed by it, and needed some adventure. He pushed some herbs back into their spot on the wall and felt around for any stray moss or leaves in the den. Finding the floor clean, Jaypaw exited the den, moving slowly and aimlessly into the middle of camp.

He sensed the elders laying still in their den, and heard Hollyleaf mewing excitedly to Poppytail about some badger tracks they had found by the ShadowClan border. He threw that piece of information away, then though back to it. Those tracks might just lead to some excitement.

Jaypaw trotted towards the camp entrance, thanking his sister for providing him with a possible adventure. He crossed paths with Thornclaw, who scooted wide out of Jaypaw's way. Jaypaw snorted and continued on his way out of the thorn tunnel, exiting the camp with his mood dampened. Eventually he let the sounds of the forest wash all that away, though, and began to actually enjoy himself.

He leaped over a fallen log with ease, padding along confidently as he turned towards the ShadowClan border. The sun was just warm enough on his fur, and the earth felt wonderfully familiar beneath his paws.

As he neared the border, Jaypaw began to scent badger. His tail shot up as he followed the scent dangerously close to the border before finding the tracks. He opened his jaws slightly and sniffed at them, finding that the scent was actually kind of stale.

He lashed his tail and began walking parallel to the trail, following it further into the forest. Jaypaw began to get worried as it veered closer to camp, and quickened his pace until he was nearly running alongside the tracks. Suddenly, the badger changed course, turning sharply away from the centre of ThunderClan territory.

Jaypaw's breath escaped from his tight chest with relief, and his muscles limbs began to relax as well. The trail left the trees behind and crossed into ShadowClan territory, nearly taking Jaypaw with it before he stopped short and backpedalled away from the border.

He sat back on his haunches, breathing heavily as he listened for pawsteps. His heartbeat had almost settled when a patrol of cats came bursting out of some nearby shrubs, proving him right.

Jaypaw knew that they had seen his mistake, or else he would have scented or heard them coming. As it was, their scent had blended in with the overpowering stench of ShadowClan that hung about the border. They must have been lying in wait in the bushes, no doubt planning an ambush, had he set paw over the border.

Jaypaw scented the air and recognized Russetfur, the ShadowClan deputy, along with Rowanclaw and Toadfoot.

Jaypaw swallowed and began to inch away, wishing that he hadn't been spotted by such a malicious group of cats.

"You!"

Jaypaw froze for moment as Russetfur meowed loudly at him.

"What?" he hissed threateningly.

"You just set paw in ShadowClan territory!" Jaypaw felt his spine tingling and forced his fur to lie flat, keeping his voice as stony as possible.

"No, I didn't. Besides, I'm _blind_. I don't know any better." Jaypaw knew that it wouldn't keep the cats off of his case, but it gave him time to creep further backwards.

"We don't care if you're blind _and _deaf! We're taking you to Blackstar."

Jaypaw scowled as his hackles rose apprehensively.

"I'm staying here."

He felt vibrations as Russetfur and Rowanclaw each took a step forwards, nearly crossing the border. Toadfoot seemed uncertain for a moment and then stepped forwards as well. Jaypaw could feel his gaze staring into his fur, and glared in the new warrior's direction menacingly.

"How pathetic. It'll take all three of you to drag me back to your camp, and everyone knows that ShadowClan is still weak from the hard leaf-bare. If Firestar led an attack, you would be crushed."

"You little piece of mouse dung!" Toadfoot yowled. "I'll shred you into bedding for our kits!"

Jaypaw scooted backwards as Toadfoot leapt forwards, on a straight course for Jaypaw's head. He could feel the foolish cat's body flying through the air towards him.

Then, suddenly, Toadfoot screeched and Jaypaw heard a thump to his right. A brief period of harsh meowing and hissing followed before Jaypaw's attacker slunk off of ThunderClan's territory.

Jaypaw pricked his ears, sensing that another cat was still intruding. He bared his teeth and crouched into fighting position, but then a familiar, salty scent wafted into his nostrils and he relaxed.

Willowpaw's voice was strong and sure as she ordered the patrol to move along and go back to their Clan before they were beaten by two apprentices. Thankfully, she didn't mention anything about one of those apprentices being blind. Jaypaw silently thanked her and stared towards the warriors until they retreated, hissing violently.

Once they were gone, Jaypaw felt suddenly nervous.

"Er- thanks, Willowpaw." He hated to actually owe something to another cat, especially one as annoying as Willowpaw. No doubt she'd be bugging him about it for a good time.

"No problem," she mewed loosely. "I've been wanting some action lately anyway."

Jaypaw brightened and nodded his head, glad that he wasn't the only one.

"Me too. Though I guess I'd rather be sorting herbs than being held prisoner in ShadowClan territory."

Willowpaw _mrrowed _with amusement.

"You would have sent them running back to camp with their tailed between their legs."

Jaypaw's tail lifted in happiness as they fell into step, walking back the way Jaypaw had come.

"Why were you in ThunderClan territory, anyway?"

Willowpaw got quiet all of a sudden and eventually answered, "I'm travelling to the Moonpool. There is something I have to ask StarClan that can't wait."

Jaypaw knew that he should drop it, but instead he pressed on. "Like what?"

Surprisingly, Willowpaw didn't act offended or scold Jaypaw for asking an unallowed question. "I might tell you later," she answered, sounding guarded. Jaypaw shrugged off her peculiar behaviour and trotted along with her, deciding that he'd rather make the long trip to the Moonpool than go back to camp.

Actually, the trip was getting quite short as they began to ascend the steep hill full of loose rocks that would take them to the sacred gathering place. Jaypaw bounded up the rocks gleefully, glad that he knew the path by heart and didn't have to cover up any embarrassing falls in front of Willowpaw.

She followed him more carefully, picking up speed until she was climbing right behind him.

"Hurry up, mouse-brain," she grumbled mockingly, copying his most frequent mood.

"I'll take my time, dung-fur."

Willowpaw glanced at his back with an amused expression, glad that she'd uncovered his softer side and wasn't just throwing herself against an unbreakable wall of silence and occasional sarcastic remarks.

Jaypaw bounded over a final boulder and began padding down towards the Moonpool. He sighed as the warm pelts of his ancestors pulsed around him, guiding his small body down to the water. Starry voices whispered in his ears as he knelt beside the water, waiting for Willowpaw to catch up and join him.

"You're dreaming, too?"

He nodded slightly. "Yeah. I've got some questions of my own for StarClan."

He didn't say anything, but the bigger reason he was joining Willowpaw was to eavesdrop on her dreams. If she wouldn't tell him what her problem was in the waking world, then he would get it out of her when she was asleep.

Willowpaw seemed to sense his ulterior motives somehow, and he could feel her puzzled gaze on his pelt. The silence didn't last for long, though. Willowpaw decided to let it go and joined Jaypaw by the water.

She curled her tail around her small dappled paws and leaned in to take a lap of the water, sinking immediately into an unbreakable slumber. Blackness was all around her for a moment before her vision returned and she found herself in a beautiful clearing.

Lush greenery was all around her, moving in the slight wind that brushed over her pelt soothingly. Warmth pulsed from every direction, and she could almost forget that there was even such thing as leaf-bare, or even a cold day.

She almost laid down and closed her eyes to enjoy the day, but then cats began to slip into the clearing, their starry pelts reflecting the sunlight prettily. Willowpaw made herself stand straight as they entered quickly, reminded that she was in the presence of StarClan. As the whole group filtered in from the trees, she dipped her head and mewed greetings to her ancestors.

"Greetings, Willowpaw," came a sweet lilting voice. "We know why you have come."

Willowpaw looked down at her paws in shame and mewed as loudly as she dared, "I don't know what do do!"

One cat detached itself from the crowd and moved gracefully towards her. The she-cat had gray-silver fur, striped with black. Her ice blue eyes were beautiful and loving, and Willowpaw saw sadness and knowledge in the cat's eyes.

"Feathertail."

Feathertail nodded solemnly and looked at Willowpaw pitifully.

"I have been chosen to advise you," she said softly. "Come."

She blinked and their surroundings began to melt away. The foliage was replaced gradually by rocky slopes and a sharp, cloudless sky. Sharp wind ruffled her pelt teasingly, and the stone under her paws was surprisingly sun-warmed.

Willowpaw stared around in amazement as an eagle soared over their heads proudly, silhouetted by the glaring sun.

"Where are we?"

Feathertail looked around wistfully.

"These are the mountains, child."

Willowpaw couldn't help but feel admonished; _of course_ these were the mountains. How many stories had she heard about the hard grandness of this stony place?

She glanced at Feathertail and found her still gazing around at the scenery. She lashed her tail in annoyance, wondering if StarClan would ever really provide her with guidance.

"Well?" she demanded, coming off a bit impatient.

Feathertail looked back at her. "Patience. You must learn to wait for things that you want."

Willowpaw stared at the beautiful she-cat as her words took effect.

Patience....

"What does that mean?" She asked anyway, half-wishing that Feathertail would take back her words.

"You must follow your heart," the RiverClan cat said softly, her eyes large and softer than water. "I can't tell you what to do, Willowpaw. It is your choice alone."

She shook her head and Willowpaw kept on staring.

"But I came here for guidance!"

"No," replied Feathertail. "you came so that I could tell you what to do. That is not StarClan's way. You need to find your own."

Willowpaw took a step back, her fur rising.

"You're no help at all!" she spat, letting her anger take hold. "You're telling me to follow my heart, and my heart says to love Jaypaw! But you're saying I should be patient, too, which obviously means I should wait until we're in StarClan!"

Amusement glowed in Feathertail's glittering eyes.

"You think too much, child," she mewed lightly, and her body began to fade. Just as she was disappearing, Willowpaw heard a whisper on the breeze:

"Crowfeather...."

She shook her head in annoyance. Coming to StarClan had been a mistake. Now she was more confused than ever. Her lithe body was shaking with the cool waft of air that was coming off the rocks, and she wished that Feathertail hadn't brought her there.

In moments, the scene melted and she was back in the sunny clearing, which she almost didn't recognize with the absence of StarClan. Immediately her thoughts went to Jaypaw, who was beginning to consume her mind's eye more and more often. She sighed as she imagined his sharp, intelligent eyes and dark coat. How could she give him up?

Willowpaw straightened, deciding that she would take the more appealing half of Feathertail's advice. After all, waiting throughout the endless moons for Jaypaw seemed unbearable, and it hadn't even begun yet. She resolved to tell him about her feelings as soon as she woke up, and in the blink of an eye she was crouching beside the Moonpool, her limbs aching.

She rose slowly and stretched, feeling her muscles creak with freedom. She yawned and looked around to see Jaypaw sitting on his haunches only a couple tail lengths away from her. Suddenly, the idea of admitting her feelings seemed ridiculous.

Jaypaw's icy eyes were trained on her with confusion, and she saw that he looked sort of nervous.

_That makes two of us, _she thought bitterly, and opened her jaws to speak.

"Jaypaw, I...." her sentence trailed off as she got shy all of a sudden, squirming under his icy gaze. He sat still and let her compose herself again, which she was grateful for. Anyone else would have been mewing impatiently at her to just spit it out already. In fact, that was Jaypaw's usual approach to these kinds of things.

What if he knew?

_Just say it. _

Willowpaw braced herself.

"Jaypaw, I- I think I love you."

When Jaypaw answered, he sounded absolutely baffled and confused.

"I _know._"

* * *


	4. Waiting on Regret

Willowshine lashed her tail frustratedly against the dirt, causing the reeds behind her to wave violently. Her sharp claws tore jerkily at the moist earth, widenning the dip that she'd been unconciously digging for a few minutes now. Her gaze was fixed on something that she wasn't really watching, and as Pebblepaw crossed her vision she barely flinched.

"Willowshine?" Her friend's mew was bit louder than necessary, and she jolted out of her trance, embarrased. She glanced down at the hole she'd been expanding and hurriedly swept her tail over it, only succeeding in brushing a pawful a dirt back in.

"Um, yes?"

She could sense his concerned eyes resting on her patiently as he padded closer.

"Willowshine, is something wrong? You've been acting strange lately," Pebblepaw mewed, glancing at the mess she'd just spread about. Willowshine fidgetted a little before wrapping her tail firmly around her paws and lifting her gaze. She tried to sound light as she answered, "Everything's fine. I'm a little jumpy, is all."

"Okay," he replied. "That's good. I just don't know what I'd do if you got sick."

Once the words escaped Pebblepaw seemed to regret them and averted his eyes, his tail waving nervously. "I mean- RiverClan needs it's medicine cats to stay healthy."

Willowshine peered closely at him, wondering if there was something about her close friend that she had somehow missed over the seasons. Why was he acting like this? His mottled gray fur was fluffed slightly as if he was protecting himself from something, and his watery blue eyes were darting around like a kit's.

"Of course," Willowshine agreed evenly, and he nodded, looking relieved.

"Well, I'll see you later," he said cheerfully, and zipped off to join his mentor, Mosspelt. They left quickly as part of a border patrol, leaving Willowshine to her thoughts. Jaypaw had been pushing at the borders of her mind during the short conversation, demanding more attention. Ever since her idiotic decision at the Moonpool, her insides had been writhing and twisting anxiously, dying to know what he'd thought.

She should have guessed that he wouldn't admit anything to her, that he would stare at her firmly with his mesmerizing eyes and then turn around and bound down the waterfall of rocks, leaving her alone. He'd started a sentence or two, but she could tell that he was shocked. Whether it was in a good way or not, she wouldn't know until the next Gathering, or maybe later. Willowshine only allowed herself a fleeting glimpse at the memory before shutting it away.

She rose from her haunches and looked around camp, noticing how emptry the reed-rimmed clearing was now that most of the warriors and their apprentices had left on patrols. She slipped into the medicine den and found her mentor sorting lazily through their plentiful stock of herbs, using her claws to pick leaves from their piles and sort them meticulously.

As she looked at Mothwing, saw the dim sunlight relecting off of her yellow pelt, she wondered if her teacher had ever wanted desperately to go against the warrior code. Surely everyone had. But not in such a drastic way, a way that seemed to pull her bodily towards the Thunderclan border so she could catch a tiny glimpse of his feathery dark pelt, soft as down and the colour of a darkening cloud. She just wanted to meet his eyes, which would never see her anyway.

Why couldn't she just be a bitter, loveless healer?

Why wouldn't the pain just _stop?_

* * *

Hollyleaf couldn't tear her gaze from her brother's lithe body, shivering slightly as if he were cold. But the sun shone down into the hollow stronger than ever, warming every cat to the point of discomfort. He seemed shaken in some way, more unsure than she had ever seen him. She wanted to ask Jaypaw what was wrong, but she knew him well enough to realize that that would only earn her a stinging reply and no answer.

He was dragging a ball of moss impatiently into the elder's den, seeming distant even from all the way across camp, no doubt grumbling to himself about the task, which was normally reserved for unruly apprentices.

Hollyleaf flinched as he emerged from the den and met her eyes sharply, sending a clear challenge across the hollow to his sister. She turned away, embarrassment burning her pelt as she realized that she shouldn't have been staring at her brother like that. Now he'd be ten times as prickly, knowing that she'd noticed his weird trance. She tried to take her mind off of it by checking the fresh kill pile and then scouring the outside of the nursery for gaps in the bracken and thorn walls, but it was nagging at her even as she clumsily repaired a rip in the barrier.

She only wanted to help her brother, but how? She couldn't tell Lionblaze; his solution would be to corner their small brother and force it out of him. Of course, that would never work on a cat as stubborn as Jaypaw. He'd just ignore them or refuse to say anything. Besides, Lionblaze had seemed kind of preoccupied as well. Maybe it was best to leave him alone_. _

_Why not let Jaypaw alone, as well_? asked Hollyleaf's inner voice.

It was a strange question, and for once in her life, Hollyleaf didn't have an answer.

* * *

Cinderheart couldn't help gazing at Jaypaw even as he sat at the entranceto the medicine den, devouring a mouse. She wanted to go over and share it with him, but something held her back. Normally she was as outgoing as anyone, but today Jaypaw had these weird aura about him; everyone could tell he was unhappy.

Cinderheart decided that she was probably the only one who knew why. Jaypaw was confused. He hated not knowing things, just as she hated being held back from anything. She could tell something was eating him up inside, and he seemed pretty closed off right now.

Uncertainly, Cinderheart rose from her haunches and began walking the distance from the warrior's den to where he sat alone, tearing pieces of meat from his meal. As she neared him Cinderheart almost wanted to turn around and pelt back to her nest, but just then his ears pricked up and she knew that he'd noticed her approach_. _

_Too late now, Cinderheart_, she told herself.

Jaypaw swallowed the last of the mouse she came within hearing range. He then turned all of his attention on her, making it ten times worse. Cinderheart padded up haltingly.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" she asked quietly, and he replied, "No."

She was almost surprised, but not quite.... maybe she'd been right about what he needed right now.

"You know," she mewed, settling down next to him. "You seem a bit worried."

She tucked her tail over her paws and waited for a response. He turned his jay-blue eyes on her and answered. "Honestly, I am."

Cinderheart reeled inwardly from the unexpected answer. That was the last thing she'd expected to hear.

"Really?"

He nodded, looking conflicted.

"Yeah. I guess I should tell you, huh?" he said with a touch of humour, so that she didn't know if he was serious of not.

"If you don't mind."

He nodded. "Actually," he meowed, surprised at himself, "I don't. "

Cinderheart couldn't still the wave of pride that reached her with those simple words. Those meant that Jaypaw trusted her.

"Okay," she forced herself to say evenly.

"Well," began Jaypaw, looking around, "....maybe we should do this in the forest."

Cinderheart felt her heart sink, but then he whispered, "My sister's watching me like a hawk."

Cinderheart laughed and got up, motioning for him to follow. He got up, but seconds later she realized he couldn't have seen the beckoning. It puzzled her for a moment, then Jaypaw began heading towards the dirtplace tunnel.

"This way," he told her quietly. He slipped in first, then Cinderheart followed a moment later, after looking around to make sure that Hollyleaf couldn't see her. She almost felt bad going behind her friend's back like that, but if it meant getting closer to Jaypaw, then she was prepared to make a few sacrifices. One little lie couldn't hurt.


End file.
